Am I Happy Now?

Well I guess that's a valid question, right?

I often compare my life to those around me. I am fully aware that comparison can lead to one's own destruction. I think I compare my life to the life of others because I want the approval of others by striving to be more successful than others. As the second child in my household, I flew under the radar pretty much my entire life. My parents were more attentive to the needs of my brother than my own. I believe that was the reason I always sought my parent's approval of everything I did. I wanted them to treat me equally and not make me feel less. I tried to do so many things like join organizations at school and participate in activities that would make them proud. While none of this worked, I continued to push myself to be the greatest. I wanted them to see me as a successful child. I thought that by exceeding their expectations of me, I would finally win them over. I would finally be given the equal amount of attention that they gave my brother. Now that I am older, I am aware that I never outgrew that kind of mentality I had as a child. I am learning to shift my perspective more and more every day because I do want to outgrow that mentality. I have been focused on completing task after task that I forget to live in the moment. I forget to pause and see the things around me. I am aware that I have been living in the past and the future. The present is the most important thing right now. I want to live in the present more. And, that means shifting my mentality. Although it feels awesome when someone tells me they are proud of me, I need to learn that value doesn't depend on how others see me. It doesn't depend on what I do because I am still me. I would rather be known for who I am than what I do. Wouldn't that be great? I want to be happy with who I am rather than what I have. Because I will one day leave this earth and I will not take anything that I possess here on earth. I am still learning.